What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
