she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
