I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
