I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
