What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
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I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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