Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
