definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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