So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
