New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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