im holly from the hills drunk
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
