what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
