Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
