took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
