Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
