My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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