Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
