was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
