So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
