Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
