Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
