you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
