i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
