I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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