like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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