I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
