Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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