if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
