Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
