So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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