i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
