insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I am available for nakedness
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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