if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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