So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
