You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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