Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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