You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
