call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
