I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
