Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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