so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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