I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
