we have pet lesbian snakes
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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