so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
