Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sext me about skeletons
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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