There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
