You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
