I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
