holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
