I should be sponsored by Trojan
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
