HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
whose parrot is this?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
