Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
