so that wasnt chicken after all
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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