I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
