Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
