did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
