I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
