Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
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Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
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also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled