Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"