Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
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OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
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Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.