I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".