Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
