Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.