I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
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Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
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Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.