You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there