how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
please don't ironically join a cult
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