just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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