I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
