I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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