I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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