I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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