I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
