Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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