Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
