the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
