yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
