Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
