be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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